Never Make These First Date Mistakes!

Since my friends know me as ‘The dating guru’ they ALWAYS try to bounce things off me or get my opinions about dates they went on.

NOT THAT I MIND…

This is between them asking me how many dates I’ve been on for the week. (I think they live vicariously thru me)

I don’t blame them for trying to get help, I mean what guy wants to have lousy results with women and dating?

You’re investing your time, money and emotions and if you’re going to do it, you want to get the best results possible.

Its no fun when you are always frustrated because you don’t know what you’re doing wrong and you don’t know what to do.

It used to drive me absoutely insane because I was never getting the results I wanted with women and dating.

This email is from a close friend of mine.

Let me give you some background on this guy….He’s swedish, lives in sweden and is a GIANT.

He’s not really a giant, its just that this guy is like 6 foot 6. To top it off he’s actually a very good looking guy… when he lived near me in the states, we’d go out and this guy would ALWAYS get women checking him out but he’d NEVER do anything about it.

So what’s this guys problem?

He’s VERY shy. I mean VERY. You’d never guess because this guy looks like he walked out of a Prada magazine ad or something.

He’s into heavy metal and his idea of getting dressed up is wearing sneakers, a t-shirt and jeans.

So we’re chatting via instant messenger (its a great way to stay in touch with friends that don’t live close)

He showed me pictures of this girl he was speaking with that he met on some Swedish dating site… My jaw literally DROPPED to the floor!

This girl was FINE.

I’m talking like a 10. Imagine a tall, thin, really exotic DARK haired looking girl.

She was THAT hot.

So he meets this girl online in sweden and, well heres his email to me:

So I finally went on the date last night. We met at a square then she picked a place were we went for a drink. We went to her part of town so don’t rant on me for not picking the spot myself..

Anyway since it was a monday the place was completely empty except for an older couple in the restaurant so we sat a candle lit table in the corner. I’m not a romantic but I could not have asked for a more perfect setting.

As for the conversation, I made her laugh more than once or twice, and not those fake cute laughs but she was cracking up. The were some pauses too but not long enough to become awkward. I could tell she was a little nervous and so was I of course, not sure how
well I hid it. She is well traveled and we like the same music so we had plenty of stuff to talk about.

It must have gone well because we were there until they told us to leave because they were closing. About two and a half hours I think.

I then walked her home, and I hate this part of the date when you say goodbye because I always linger longer than I should.

Anyway I tried to be confident about it, told her I had a great time and that I will go out with her again. You know in the c + F tone like I AM going out with you again, this I have decided and you have no say in it. Not sure if that was the right thing to say? Gave her a hug said goodbye then walked away.

Today I texted her saying I signed the contract for my apartment and that I will need some guidance in the new neighborhood. She wrote me back saying she will volunteer as my personal guide this summer.

It’s probably hard to draw any conclusions just yet but I would like to think I did well and that I kept from screwing up. Hopefully I can stay clear of the friends zone too.

She is hot as hell. The problems I had was that she had way to much makeup on, but that helped me relax because I kept thinking that if she spent hours preparing for this date she must really be into me.

So lets dissect what he did right and what he did wrong.

#1. He let her pick the spot. BIG MISTAKE. He knows it too because he mentioned something about me not getting on him. (He’s learning LOL)

Women need the guy to take control.

#2. He’s got a great setting it seems like which is good the only issue I have with what happened there, is that he stayed in the same place TOO long. things tend to get stale.

#3. I told him before hand that one of the most important things is that he makes her laugh… a lot. From what he says, it looks like he did a great job there.

He was able to connect with her and make her feel not only comfortable but also made her have a great time.

#4. He walked her home. He didn’t mention whether or not they were holding hands (thats a great time to make the move) or what was going on there…. but face it, if a girl lets you walk her home, odds are she’s REALLY interested in you.

#5. This is where he REALLY messes things up BIG TIME. remember we talked about guys being direct and women being indirect.

He shows his true intentions here by telling her how he feels. (Why did he do this? I want to smack him) and then he tries to make plans with her in a round about way….

Translation: he’s trying too hard

NEVER make this mistake on a first date. EVER.

Why did he feel the need to start blabbing? I have no idea. Its one area that most guys REALLY mess things up on.

#6. If that wasn’t enough he then sends her an SMS the NEXT DAY! C’mon dude. You need to make her WONDER about you.

You need to create INTRIGUE and he did none of that, so odds are he’s on shaky ground. If she
had other options she might be tempted to go with them and not him.

Remember this formula for EVERYTHING… for your profile for your emails and for your dates:

Mystery = Intrigue
Intrigue = Interest

Simple. If you can add that mystery to your profile, emails and to your dates odds are you’re going to get a MASSIVE boost in your results.

#7. Notice the little thing he said at the end. She’s hot as hell but she had a lot of makeup on (He NEVER says a woman is hot as hell so she must have been even hotter in person than in the pictures) but he said he kept thinking that if she spent hours preparing for this date then she must really be into him.

THAT is an amazing distinction. That is a mindset that you can take and use for yourself when you do meet these women for the first time.

No matter how hot she was and how nervous it made him feel he noticed that one thing and it put him at ease.

Great stuff.

Its important to understand what goes on when you break things down into steps. Then you can see where you did things right and where you did things wrong.

The goal is to NOT do the wrong things and to keep doing the right things. See, you can do everything right and that one little moment you mess up on and then POOF…

Game over.

- Dave M. of Insider Internet Dating